20 Tips to Build a Stronger Relationship with Your Child.
Building a strong relationship with your child is like tending to a garden. Let it go too long without attention and it will be overgrown, hard to manage, and unrewarding. On the other hand, if you spend time learning what each plant or vegetable needs and doing those things daily, you will have a beautiful and bountiful garden which will reward you over and over again. Becoming a parent does not guarantee that we will have strong and lasting relationships with our children. Working with clients across the lifespan, few things are more prominent in therapy sessions than childhood hurts and issues related to familial and parental relationships. Investing in your child and your relationship will have an incredible return on investment that can literally change the course of a child’s life and several generations to follow. Below are 20 tips to help you build a stronger relationship with your child.
Know your child’s love language and speak it often
If you are not yet familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages, take a minute to read this blog I wrote earlier giving some examples of how to love your child based on their Love Language. The blog has links to The 5 Love Languages website and quiz. Basically, we all have one or two ways in which we prefer to share and receive love. Our children are no different, and we can miss the mark if we are unaware of our child’s Love Language and how to speak it. If you don’t already know how your child shows and receives love, there is a quiz you can take to find out. or you can spend a little time thinking about how your child has shown love and give that back in return. Quality time is a great one to start with!
Share or establish traditions which help to bond families together
Part of what sets a family apart from others is their shared traditions and cultures, sometimes passed down from previous generations. If your family does not have a long history of traditions, it is never too late to make some of your own. Knowing that they can count on baking cookies with you during the holidays or camping every summer gives a child a sense of stability and an anchor to what makes their family unique. Children who are involved in traditions and have a clear sense of family often have higher self-esteem.
Get interested in what they’re doing
You may not love Minecraft, gymnastics, or mountain biking, but if your child is interested in play, art, dance, music or sports, show a genuine interest and spend time with them doing what they love. Children often move quickly through interests, but getting involved with them is another way that you can build memories and relationships. Have your child teach you about their interests and let them play the role of expert. Take the time to get to know the names of favorite characters and figures and play along whenever you can.
Play with them
For children, play is their language, and you can’t play with your child too much. Play can take many different forms and the only requirement in that it has to be fun. Become immersed in your child’s play and you will enter their world. This can be healing if there are past hurts and can also strengthen and build a lasting parent-child bond.
Tell and show your child you love them daily
As parents, we can make assumptions about whether or not our children know we love them. We may place value on material ways we show love such as paying for sports, vacations or nice homes or by giving them structure, when a child doesn’t necessarily consider those as loving gestures. Telling your child you love her daily will help to promote a close relationship, but you also have to back it up with thoughtfulness and respect. Empty words without actions are confusing for kids and can contribute to defiant behaviors, resentment and lack of trust between parent/child.
Develop and maintain bedtime rituals
Establishing a bedtime routine can not only help children settle down more easily for restful sleep, but it can also be a time to bond as you share stories, favorite memories, prayers or positive affirmations. Rituals, like traditions, help children to have a stronger sense of identity as they ground them to a solid and stable set of values. It doesn’t have to be a lengthy routine, but knowing that a child will get a few minutes of time with their parent(s) before bed will help to build strong and lasting bonds.
Eat dinner together
Sitting down to share a meal daily is another ritual that can help to build strong and healthy relationship by using that time to connect with one another. Shared dinner time has been linked to a decrease in risk taking behaviors, depression and cyber bullying in children and adolescents as well as increased positive view of the future.
Give one-on-one, undivided attention
It is a common challenge for many parents tin finding that balance between giving our children the attention they need while also attending to our other daily responsibilities. However, making the time investment will have a high yield in the relationship department. Spending just 15 minutes a day of undivided attention can be enough to help children feel bonded and confident in the parent-child relationship. You also never know what you might find out when you experience 15 minutes of child lead play, art or discussion.
Make your child a priority
This one seems obvious, but as a working mother, I know that it can be hard when we have SO many other priorities. The fact is, if we are not careful, we can easily take our children for granted and not make them a priority. If we don’t make a conscious effort to prioritize our children and our relationship, something else will undoubtedly be pushed ahead of them. A child’s relationship with their parents is critical to their healthy development, and nurturing children takes time. Put your children first, schedule time to spend with them, and cherish them while you still can. They will be adults before you know it.
Let your children help you (be a team)
Do you have groceries that you need help with? Laundry to be put away, or a family problem to solve? Ask your child to help you with these tasks. I know, it’s probably hard enough to get your kids to do chores, but I have found that when we bring the relationship component into the equation and ask for sincere help from our children, it can make them feel like they are part of a family team in which every member is important to the over success and well-being of the family. This helps to create stronger attachment with a child’s family system, but can also help them to be more conscientious and thoughtful stewards of their communities and our world. Children thrive on feeling helpful and needed. If your child continually refuses to help with responsibilities at home, they may not feel as secure in the parent-child relationship as they should for healthy development.
Have experiences together and create inside stories or jokes
One of the most meaningful ways to strengthen your relationship with your child is by intentionally creating positive experiences together. Children may not remember every toy they received or every outing you planned, but they often remember how they felt when they were with you. Shared experiences build a sense of connection, trust, and belonging that can last well into adulthood.
These experiences don't have to be elaborate or expensive. A walk around the neighborhood, baking cookies together, playing a board game, going on a "yes day," making up silly songs in the car, or having weekly family movie nights can all become treasured memories. What matters most is that you're fully present and engaged with your child.
As you spend time together, you'll naturally create inside jokes, funny traditions, and shared stories that belong only to your family. Maybe it's a nickname that makes everyone laugh, a made-up phrase you use during road trips, or a memory of an adventure that gets retold at every family gathering. These "inside stories" become part of your family's identity and help your child feel connected and secure.
Don't underestimate the impact of small moments. A five-minute dance party in the kitchen, a secret handshake before school, or an annual tradition of watching the first snowfall together may seem ordinary, but these rituals communicate something extraordinary: We enjoy being together, and our relationship matters.
Over time, these shared experiences become the foundation of a close, trusting relationship—one built not only on guidance and discipline but also on joy, connection, and memories that your child will carry with them for years to come.
Respect their choices
As children grow, they naturally begin developing their own opinions, interests, preferences, and personalities. One of the most meaningful ways to strengthen your relationship with your child is by showing them that their thoughts and choices matter. Respecting their choices doesn't mean allowing them to make every decision or removing healthy boundaries. Instead, it means giving them age-appropriate opportunities to make decisions, express themselves, and learn from their experiences.
For younger children, this might look like letting them choose between two outfits, decide which book to read at bedtime, or pick the family game for the evening. As children get older, they can take on more meaningful decisions, such as choosing extracurricular activities, decorating their room, managing their allowance, or helping plan family outings. These opportunities foster confidence, independence, and problem-solving skills while sending the message, "I trust you, and your voice matters."
It's also important to recognize that your child may have different interests, goals, or personality traits than you do. They may enjoy different hobbies, have different friendships, or approach situations in ways that don't mirror your own. When parents remain curious rather than critical, children are more likely to feel accepted for who they are rather than who they think they need to become.
Of course, parents are still responsible for providing guidance and setting limits when health, safety, or family values are involved. Respecting your child's choices doesn't mean avoiding difficult conversations or saying yes to everything. It means balancing structure with autonomy—offering support, sharing your perspective, and allowing your child to have an active role in decisions whenever appropriate.
When children feel respected, they are more likely to develop self-confidence, communicate openly, and come to you for guidance instead of hiding their thoughts or decisions. By honoring their growing independence while remaining a steady source of support, you create a relationship built on mutual trust, respect, and connection that can continue to grow throughout adolescence and adulthood.
Help guide them, Don’s Control Them
One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is guidance without taking over. As parents, it's natural to want to protect your children from disappointment, mistakes, or difficult emotions. However, constantly solving problems for them or making every decision on their behalf can unintentionally prevent them from developing confidence, resilience, and independence.
Instead of focusing on controlling outcomes, aim to become a trusted guide. Ask questions that encourage your child to think critically, explore solutions, and consider the consequences of their choices. Rather than immediately telling them what to do, try asking, "What do you think would work?" or "How would you like to handle this?" These conversations help children build problem-solving skills while communicating that you believe in their ability to navigate challenges.
Being a guide also means offering support without judgment. When your child makes a mistake, resist the urge to say, "I told you so." Instead, approach the situation with curiosity and compassion. Help them reflect on what they learned, what they might do differently next time, and remind them that mistakes are a normal part of learning and growing.
Children are more likely to seek your advice when they know they won't be met with criticism, shame, or immediate punishment. By creating a safe space where they feel heard and supported, you strengthen trust and keep the lines of communication open—even as they become more independent.
Your role as a parent isn't to clear every obstacle from your child's path but to walk alongside them as they learn to navigate life's challenges. When children know they have a steady, encouraging guide by their side, they develop the confidence to face new experiences while knowing they always have someone they can turn to for wisdom, support, and unconditional love.
Share your beliefs about faith and spirituality
If faith or spirituality is an important part of your life, sharing those values with your child can provide a strong foundation for connection, purpose, and resilience. Rather than expecting your child to simply adopt your beliefs, invite them into meaningful conversations about what your faith or spiritual practices mean to you and how they guide your decisions, relationships, and values. Children often learn more from observing your example than from hearing lectures.
Encourage your child to ask questions and express their own thoughts with curiosity and respect. Creating a safe space for open dialogue helps them develop their own understanding while strengthening your relationship. Whether your family attends religious services, practices prayer or meditation, volunteers together, or simply talks about gratitude, kindness, and compassion, these shared experiences can foster a sense of belonging and purpose. By approaching faith and spirituality with openness, authenticity, and love, you help your child feel supported as they develop their own beliefs and values throughout life.
Use nick-names
Affectionate nicknames can be a simple yet meaningful way to strengthen your bond with your child. Whether it's a playful nickname, a special term of endearment, or an inside joke that only your family understands, these small expressions of affection help children feel loved, seen, and connected. Nicknames often become part of a family's unique identity and can create warm memories that last well into adulthood. As your child grows, be mindful of their preferences and respect if they no longer want to be called a nickname, especially in front of friends. When used with warmth and respect, nicknames can become a lasting reminder of your love and the special connection you share.
Speak kindly to them
The way you speak to your child becomes the voice they often carry inside themselves. Kind, respectful communication helps children feel valued, safe, and worthy of love, even when they need correction or guidance. While it's normal to feel frustrated at times, choosing words that are calm, encouraging, and respectful teaches your child that mistakes are opportunities to learn rather than reasons for shame. Offer praise for their efforts, acknowledge their feelings, and avoid labels or harsh criticism. Speaking with kindness doesn't mean avoiding discipline—it means delivering it in a way that preserves your child's dignity and strengthens the trust between you.
Use positive consequences and “Catch Them Being Good”
When many people think about discipline, they immediately think of consequences for misbehavior. While appropriate consequences can be an important part of parenting, it's equally important to recognize and reinforce the behaviors you want to see more often. Positive consequences encourage children to repeat healthy behaviors because they associate those behaviors with encouragement, connection, and success.
Positive consequences don't have to involve expensive rewards or elaborate incentive systems. In fact, the most meaningful rewards are often simple and relational. A genuine compliment, a high-five, extra one-on-one time, choosing the family movie, staying up 15 minutes later on the weekend, or hearing, "I'm really proud of how you handled that," can have a lasting impact. These responses communicate that you notice your child's efforts, not just their mistakes.
Whenever possible, praise specific behaviors instead of offering general compliments. For example, instead of saying, "Good job," try saying, "I noticed how patient you were with your little brother," or "I appreciate that you cleaned up without being asked." Specific praise helps children understand exactly what they did well and encourages them to repeat those behaviors.
By intentionally noticing kindness, responsibility, honesty, perseverance, and other positive choices, you help build your child's confidence and strengthen your relationship. Children thrive when they know their efforts are seen, appreciated, and valued, making positive consequences a powerful tool for encouraging healthy behavior and emotional growth.
Show them grace
Every child will make mistakes—that's an essential part of learning and growing. While it's important to hold children accountable for their actions, it's equally important to respond with grace. Showing grace means recognizing that one poor choice does not define who your child is. Instead of reacting with harsh criticism or shame, use mistakes as opportunities to teach, encourage, and guide.
Grace doesn't mean lowering expectations or avoiding consequences. It means offering correction with empathy, patience, and the belief that your child is capable of learning and doing better next time. When children know they can make mistakes without losing your love or acceptance, they are more likely to be honest, take responsibility for their actions, and come to you when they need help.
By extending grace during difficult moments, you teach your child an invaluable lesson: everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves compassion, and growth is always possible. That message helps build resilience, strengthens trust, and creates a relationship where your child feels safe enough to keep learning and growing.
Apologize often
We can hurt our children, both intentionally and unintentionally, in the pursuit of raising well adjusted, self-sufficient adults. Sometimes we have to be firm and provide boundaries they don’t like and other times we may be angry and short-tempered. There are a variety of reasons including parental stress and parent-child personality discord which contribute to these hurts, and we can’t avoid them all, but a sincere apology can go a long way to mend and build your relationship with your child when you know you have hurt them. We don’t always have to understand the hurt, but we should validate it for them. Your child will also need to master the art of the apology to be a productive and healthy future adult.
Laugh with them
Laughter really is the best medicine for children. Laughter releases the neurotransmitter dopamine which produces a feeling of euphoria. Laughter is involuntary and it helps to bond children and parents by building trust. It is hard to be spontaneous and laugh with those you don’t trust and have a good relationship with. If you and your children can laugh together often, the trust and bond will continue to strengthen and you’re both likely to be happier, too!
Shared laughter is especially powerful. Laughing together releases feel-good chemicals in the brain, reduces stress, and strengthens emotional bonds. When children know they can have fun with you, they're often more likely to seek you out during difficult moments as well.
Being able to give time and energy to our children means managing our own feelings and stresses. If you are a parent who may be struggling with building a strong relationship with your child, contact our office today to learn and explore more effective parenting strategies or how your own childhood hurts may be affecting your ability to attach and bond with your child. Check out this post if you have a teenager you would like to build a stronger relationship with.